I Love Autumn

So while we're all on the edge of our seats waiting for little Miss Looking for Baby to arrive in Washington DC I thought I'd take some time to check-in and say Hi!

Hi everyone! xx

Thank you all soooo much for the wonderful information you have volunteered about the different accommodation choices in Delhi. I have spent some time (yes - 'Itchy Scratchy') compiling it all and creating a handy little 2-pager that compares each option rather than each post and - I LOVE it - it's GREAT - but I can't work out how to attach it to this jolly post so if someone could tell me how to make that happen that would be great! (PS: I am quietly proud of myself for getting that hyperlink in!!) I haven't had the correct time-zone on my blog since - forever - just reminding everyone of my limited skills in this field!

By all accounts we 'should be' at the '27 Weeks and 4 Days' point today - and oh what a lovely day it is outside! I should really be out and in it! Crystal blue skies - insignificant white whispy clouds - no wind and a temp around the 22degC mark. In fact - I'll go and take a photo and show you ......

This was taken two minutes ago from my front verandah! As you can see our front lawn is starting to go off in the cooler months (we've had several nasty frosts already) and the bloody cockatoos have eaten one of those gum trees across the road - but all in all it's lovely to sit out the front there. We like to enjoy a beer in the summer and watch the joggers go by ha ha.

Getting back to my last post - "24 Weeks and we go LIVE" - our big reveal to the rest of my family was sensational.

As mentioned I had to tell my brother the night before (on his own as it turned out) - but in the scheme of things it didn't matter and his reaction was just so precious becasue as it turns out his wife (my sister-in-law) is now 14 weeks pregnant so (god willing) the two little cousins will be a mere 3 months apart!! How great would that be?? Also 300km apart but nonetheless - there's SKYPE!

So by the time the offical 'big reveal' arrived the next day (Sat 12th May) I was down to one set of parents (mine) and one sister who was there to hear the news for the first time. My other sister and her little family (the ones who came up to visit before) were also there which was magic!! Anyway - the place was PACKED full of people because it was the day before Mothers Day of course. It was quite noisy and my dad is quite hard of hearing. Oh yes. So I knew from the outset my news would need to be broadcast across the room at a volume nearing boom-box intensity but so be it! I waited for all of our meals to be eaten (nervoulsy and with beer) and then 'BOMBS AWAY'!!

I was soooo surprised by my dads heartfelt joy and elation that I promptly stopped talking, burst into tears and hugged him (all very 'Home and Away'!!). I wasn't too sure how he would react - but obviously I wasn't expecting that! As for my mother and sister - well - they are completely overjoyed as well!! Completely! My mother wants to start knitting things asap and my sister is planning little sleepovers already! Again with the 300km - but hey - where there's a will there's a way!!!

My brother-in-law (are you still with me? the one who already knew the news) jumped up as soon as I belted out "I have a bit of news...."  and ran over to the bar and so while I was telling my story (and blubbering all over the place) a bottle of champagne and multiple glasses magically appeared and everyone started drinking toasts left right and centre -  I was in another world!!

So the BIG REVEAL got a little bit BIGGER that day and I have those memories now forever. After the meal at the Hotel we went back to my nearest sisters house and we all watched 'Black Caviar' the freakishly good Aussie Racehorse win his 21st race in a row at Morphetville (Adelaide) and of course we toasted that as well ha ha! GO HORSEY!! Of course with every elation I immediately have conflicting demons pop into my head (what if .... what if ....) but for that day at least I chose to ignore them and enjoyed every moment until bedtime. It was an early night for me tho - knackered and out to it by 8.30pm! What a stayer!!

So here I am today. Still haven't bought a single item for the baby (excepting our family high-chair at mum and dad's clearing sale - and that's a story for another day) - and despite my plans to buy a bunny I haven't done that either. Our next scan is due May 28th and that should herald us in to the 29th Week so maybe that's when I'll lash out and buy a bootie or two  .....     

Phone-A-Friend

Dearest Blog-land,

We are finally reaching the point of - 'OMG this is really happening'sville". And as you know we (aka "I") haven't exactly gone overboard on the prep work yet (i.e. hello zero's-ville!)

Oh and incidentally my well thought out plan to break the big news to the rest of my family already has hairline cracks as my brother (sister-in-law and second youngest neice) accidentally got their dates mixed up and turned up to our family luncheon last Saturday instead of this Saturday - oops & bugger - and as luck would have it now can't get to lunch this Saturday because of a first birthday party somehwere else (crap & crap) - and yes I'm sure they would come to this luncheon if they really knew what was going on but then having to tell them feels like spoiling it and/or guilting them into going etc and blah blah that's just not how I wanted it to go down etc and it's hard to explain but  .... sigh and ahhh. So  now I have to go down and tell them separately the night before everyone else gets to hear because that's the time that suits best etc and yeash deflating balloons and all that - but that's just how life is isn't it? So move on...

Ok so probably the REAL reason why I am blogging tonight is to ask the big ol 'DELHI ACCOMMODATION QUESTION ... (yes - that old chestnut people...).

Clearly I need to give some serious consideration to booking something to sleep in soon  ... but procastination works well for me too so let's just say ummmm - the day following our next positive scan result (?). Anyway with this in mind I would REALLY appreciate some honest feedback from our surrogacy vets out there (as well as our more-well-prepared-than-me) SCI Bloggers who have already sorted this sort of stuff out!

PLEASE! IF you have already stayed or booked any of the following accommodation options within the last few years please tell me/us - what you liked most about it (or why you've booked it) - what you liked least about it and whether you would stay there again (i.e. whilst awaiting the delivery of your baby and then the exit India process)..............    

And the nominees are :

1) SVELTE HOTEL
2) INDIA LUXURY HOME (SERVICE APPARTMENTS)
3) TULIP APPARTMENT (SERVICE APPARTMENT)
4) GREEN LEAF APARTMENT
5) APARTMENT 18
6) HOTEL PARKLAND
7) HOTEL IMPERIAL
8) HOTEL AMARA
9) HOTEL VELVET APPLE:
10) HOTEL GLITTER

 Have I mentioned already just how grateful I would be? XXXXXXXXXX..............

24 Weeks and we go 'LIVE'

We have finally taken that big bold step from Blog-World to Real-World and told a real-life-person (or two) our news! That's it - TWO real-life-persons - but that's a start right? Don't want to over do it!

We asked SCI to please bring our 24-week scan forward by 48 hours (to Friday 27th April) to let us share the news with my visiting sister and her husband. They (SCI) were only too happy to oblige and got really excited about the prospect themselves! Encouraging!

Anyway - They (the entourage) arrived at our place late on the Friday night (300km) with three very wired kids in tow. There was much excitement and bouncing off the walls (3 hours in a car seat does that to a kid) and in between bounces I surreptitously checked my emails waiting for the (fingers crossed) good news! Finally at 10.55pm it arrived! Yes - Dr. Shivani has reviewed the reports & found everything fine with the scan - YES! - and Yes - we were all still up - and still bouncing off the walls. But it just didn't feel like the right time to drop the bombshell and then say - OK then well that's it I'm off to bed - nightie night everyone!

So we waited........

........ And dropped the bombshell the next morning while the three little poppets were riding their bikes around the house (through the car shed and down the driveway). My sister and her husband thought we were about to announce our plans for the weekend and were thinking perhaps a hit of golf or a visit to the local footy oval - but ah no - the thing is, we've got a baby growing in another woman's uterus over in India that we made with yet another woman's eggs and oh yes she also lives in India and perhaps you've heard of the clinic becasue every time they do a tv documentary about surrogacy in India they seem to interview our Doctor and she always seems to speak so well and we love her and oh yeah the other thing is the baby has made it to 24 weeks and we'll be flying over to India in about 3 months time if not earlier .......................

tick .................................................   holy ...................... crap.....................

Oh MY God THAT'S W*O*N*D*E*R*F*U*L!!!!! Aaaaagggghhhhhh!!!! Eeeeekkkkkkkkk!!!!!!! Followed by Much rejoicing and hugging and hoopla La-ing and OMG'ing and frantic hand gestures and more OMG'ing and questions and more OMG'ing and laughs and little jigs etc and yep - you get the picute. It's fair to say my sister and her husband are behind us 10,000% on this one!! And all the time with three little poppets riding their bikes round and round yelling out 'look at me! look at me!'

So after taking off on THAT rocket fuelled high we found ourselves trying to wind it down a notch or two (sigh) and just re-confirming that nothing's ever concrete until you're actually holding a baby and how the journey has already been marred with the loss of a twin etc But still - it's so great to finally have it out there!

GREAT but scary.

And so we're not in any big rush to tell the rest of the world yet - we just don't want to jinx it!!! So here's the plan. I would MUCH prefer to tell the rest of my family (one set of parents, one sister, one brother, one sister-in-law and one brother in-law) face-to-face rather than over the phone or in an email (ick) and as there's no more impending trips planned by anyone as yet to come up here, we will wait until I get down there to them! Luckily that's in a weeks time now so not too long really. We are all going out to lunch to 'catch up' on Saturday 12th May and then it will be 'BOMBS AWAY'!! I am expecting a tentatively mixed response (perhaps from mum & dad) and I won't have my husband with me which is unfortunate (bloody work) but am hoping for more of the same (above) from everyone else.  I guess you just never know though do you .......!

Finally; Following the awsomeness of our last Scan pictures in March (3D Bunny) I can barely make out what s/he is up to in these (suddenly shy?) but when Dr Shivani says that everything is fine then I have absolute faith that it is!

My love and friendship goes out to everyone sharing this cyber world with me and I hope to read many promising updates soon and for a long time to come!!

For those of you awaiting the all important BFP news - My special thoughts are with you.

Jacaranda XX

Itchy Scratchy

It is 'Itchy Scratchy' time again! The flush of confidence following our (beautiful bunny) 20 week scan is starting to wane again as we head towards the 24 week point. No reason to feel glum AT ALL - but for reasons I cannot fathom I do .... Not helped in ANY small part by just sitting down to watch (why do I DO this to myself) that series on SBS tv called "Waiting For A Heartbeat."

Jeez Louise I should just go in and manually rip out my own heart!! Many of you have perhaps seen it? I am sure it was made several years ago and followed the stories of several "me's" (which is easier to say than "Us's") on their journeys through multiple miscarriages and how St Marys in the UK was offering 'new hope.' I found myself saying - don't listen to them (the experts) - don't listen to those stats - don't get hopeful - no - no - no - then sure enough one by one each story deteriorated. Oooohhhh MaaaaaN why did I put the tellie on AT ALL?? Someone change the channel!! My husband is away at work again unfortunately so unless the microwave decided to take control no-one was listening. Thankfully one girl - Rachel - went home with a baby at least so YAY RACHEL!! And then I remembered HANG ON ...... !  

That's NOT me - there IS a baby. There IS a baby and by all accounts - he/she is going great guns! SNAP OUT OF IT WOMAN!!!!!

Oh but I just get so itchy scratchy anxious at about this time. This time - halfway between scans - is like littlies learning to walk and hanging on to someone's hand and then letting go and warbling across the room to lunge heavily into the other hand.  I'm halfway across the room and warbling up a storm ....

Our next scan has been brought forward (at my request) by 48 hours so that we will have the opportunity to tell our 'first REAL LIVE IN THE FLESH people'. My sister, her husband and three little poppetts are coming up to visit on Friday 27th April. This is now our new scan date. IF the news is good news - we have decided to road test the 'big reveal' on them (a bit of a thank you for driving all this way to see us) - and then bravely moving on to bigger 'reveal' numbers after that. IF, on the other hand the news is bad then, with the inclusion of my totally wonderfully loving husband, I couldn't ask for a better, more supportive security blanket.

The posts in Blogland of late have again been so lovely and positive - thank god - so many new beautiful babies in the world. I cyber hug you ALL! To the rest of you warbling around the room with me - stay strong and don't turn on the bloody tv!!!!!!       

Our 20 week old Bunny Rabbit xx oo

So our beautiful little darling is sending out his/her first ever message to mum and dad - "I want a rabbit" - "I want a rabbit and I want it with floppy ears please" - you got it Sweetheart (and lovely manners)! One little bunny rabbit coming right up!! Would you like it in pink or blue??? Perhaps we'll hold off on a real one just for the time being but maybe - after today - I might get brave enough to make my first ever baby purchase ..... hmmmm a stuffed bunny .... who would have ever thought it would be a stuffed bunny?? OH WAIT - I get it - you're reminding it's EASTER!! Is that it?? EASTER BUNNY!!! Holy Toledo - am I having a gifted child?? Really?? So do you still want the bunny or just a load of eggs in decorative foil?? .... hmmmm .... I think we'll stick with the bunny shall we? No need to meet the Tooth Fairy before you've even got a tooth!!

So yes - here we are - I am so very relieved, happy and proud to introduce you to our darling little 20 week old cherub! We have spent a very long day today helping my parents with their Clearing Sale (1.5 Hrs away). So it's been a big day but we've also had 'scan day' on our minds, so that's made it even bigger. This evening I have rushed home again - knackered - quickly rev'ed up the computer and scanned the incoming emails like a mad woman on crack. There it was - breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeath in - and - click to open - and scan scan scan - no time to blink - scan scan scan - ahhhh the words I am looking for again:- We are happy to inform you that Dr. Shivani has reviewed the reports & found everything within normal limit.


JOY TO THE WORLD!!!!!!!! Fa La LA LAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! xo xo


And to our many new SCI Blog-friends who continue to amaze us with their honest and heart felt updates - we thank you so much and I for one send e-hugs to you all. We seem to be in quite a 'baby peak hour' at the moment which just makes the experience so much  better and more managable - to all you little newborns out there (are you listending Hayden?) - please keep getting stronger every day, and start bracing for a life full of love and cuddles ............... and stuffed bunnies??      

Time Wasters

I have been thoroughly enjoying the rush of posts in the last few days - all of the ones I have been reading seem to be filled with good and/or positively entertaining news. Thank you so much and well done!! I am so sorry if you have received sad news and are now wondering what freakin' planet I am on - I assure you I have not read your post and my biggest warmest hugs reach out to you my friend!

As for me - I am almost into that next final week that leads up to another milestone scan and therefore am getting all itchy scratchy again!! Our 20 week scan (yes it's a biggie!) is due on March 31st and so by April 1st I may well have hyper-ventilated myself into one hell of an anxious messy state on the floor!! Joy.

Anyway - as per usual I am looking for useless mindless tasks that help me to pass the time (that ISN'T housework or real work related) - and last weekend I got it into my head that I needed to know - in table form - what the last 10 years of infertilty has looked like!!! Yeah I know - some people get a pet!!

So I went through all of my diarys and re-lived the light and dark days of our infertility 'challenge'. The table below will most likely cause your eyes to cross over and your brain to ache so I don't really expect you to read it - but it has certainly helped me to see our struggle in a snap shot - and to reflect on why we have become the people we are (perhaps) today. Fancy being able to condense so much pain into such a tiny little piece of paper! Has anyone else done this exercise??

My husband and I started our 'challenge' in 2002 and by 2005 had lost 4 naturally conceived pregnancies (before 10 weeks).

We then hopped on the 'IVF Train' and had NO IDEA of the itinerary and if we HAD known the itinerary - we would have got back OFF the bloody train IMMEDIATELY and just emailled SCI that afternoon!!!!!

But ..... we didn't .... so we couldn't and you know how it goes - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger so we are Mr and Mrs Strongo-bongo from the Congo ha ha hear us ROAR!!

So here's my very pretty chart that no-one will be able to understand that has helped me waste a good 6 hours in its production! We are yet to experience the joy of parenthood - so to everyone else - like us - waiting on the next bit of scan news Love Love LOVE to you!!!

Jacaranda xx
     

Own ICSI Cycles 2005 - 2008	Eggs Retrieved	Eggs Fertilised	Eggs Frozen	Eggs Arrested (or did not make to freeze/transfer)	No. Eggs Transfrd
1st	2	2	-	1	1
2nd	8	6	3	1	2
FET	-	-	-	-	2
FET	-	-	-	-	1
3rd	(3 follicles but 0 eggs)	-	-	-	-
4th	2	2	0	1	1 (5th pregnancy)
5th	2	1	0	1	0
6th	6	5	0	3	2
7th	5	1	0	1	0
8th	2	0	0	2	0
OWN TOTALS	27	17	3	10	9
(then) Aussie Friend(s) Donor Egg ICSI Cycles 2008 - 2010
9th	13	11	2	8	1 (6th pregnancy)
FET	-	-	-	-	1
FET	-	-	-	-	1
10th	28	14	2	10	2 (7th pregnancy)
(then) Frozen (Aussie Donor Egg + Own Sperm) Embryo transferred to Indian Surrogate 2011	-	-	-	-	2
(then) Indian Egg Donor + Own (frozen) Sperm ICSI Cycle using Indian Surrogate 2011 - 2012	?	?	?	?	2 (8th ‘pregnancy’)
Grand TOTALS	68+	42+	7+	28+	18

The 16 Week Hurdle has now been CLEARED!

Yes - It's good news. Thanks be to EVERYTHING!

Our 16 week scan (email) came through at 8.39pm on March 1st but we were at a First Birthday Party up the road (40km) and decided to open it up with fresh eyes and brave hearts the next morning.

...... Its as if the air leaves the room isn't it? - and you are left in a vacuum of apprehension clicking open the  Outlook Envelope icon .... then staring at the screen .... almost hoping the all important email hasn't arrived yet ...  at least then you're given slightly more blessedly ignorant time to live in!

But there it was - and my husband clicked the final button to read the magic words half way down .... "...we are happy to inform you....." .... and ex-hale Ooooooohhhhhh!!!  .....  Air comes rushing back in to the room!!

The stats (again - that don't mean much to me because I am not a Specialist - but at the same time I obsess over - not sure why - because if something wasn't right I'd never pick it unless highlighted in fluorescent yellow and underlined in red!) are:

Approx. gestinational age: 15 weeks 5 days (1st March 2012)
The placenta is posterior, low lying, not previa, grade O
Normal active and passive movements are seen (thats a new thing to report - and makes me happy)
Heart Rate 148bpm
BPD - 29mm
HC - 117mm
AC - 98mm (new)
FL - 18mm (new)
Weight - 132 grams +/- 12% (another new thing - and even though I have no idea if this is a good, bad or indifferent weight I am still very happy to see it).
Nasal bone is seen.
The fetal head shows normal ventricular system. The posterior fossa is normal. The fetal spine, limbs, cord insertion, 3 vessel cord, UB, stomach bubble show no apparent abnormality.... new ...new...new!

We are still unable to accept that this could all result in a beautiful bouncing baby in July/August but we ARE able to accept that we are another big step closer!!

So I thought it might be best to check in with SCI to see if we were meant to be doing ANYTHING (i.e. beurocracy related for example) at this point. Apparently we are not! Just trying to get through to 27 weeks and then start proceedings then.

So here I am trying to do nothing :)

Our next scan would be due in the first few days of April I expect so our anxiety levels will just steadily rise in small daily increments until then.

My annual leave ends next Tuesday so being back at work might be a blessing actually (seriously did I just type that?).

I have been reading everyone elses BLOGS a lot and once again I thank you all sooooo much for sharing your stories as well!! They are better than any drugs out there and I would love to think that I might meet some of you one day  ....

...who knows?

Much love
Jacaranda XX

Thumb Twiddling Time

I do not have ANY exciting news today but just needed to touch base.

There are 8 more sleeps left before our '16 week' scan on March 1st and I think I am developing a stomach ulcer. Not really but I like to errr on the side of melo-dramatic. I cannot get our next scan out of my head and no amount of distracting activities will do it.

Our trip down to New Zealand was absolutely wonderful - many laughs and good food in spectacular settings. It was LOVELY! Our (3 person) part of the 'Remarkable Seven' (me + husband + friend) only got to stay for 8 days, while the 'others' got to stay on for 14 (lucky). So we only got to see the South Island with overnighters in Christchurch, Hokitika, Haast, Queenstown (3 nights), Dunedin (a castle!) and Wellington (once we had broken away from the main group). We said we were on a "Protiki Tour" that put us halfway between a 'Contiki Tour' and a 'Probus Group' ha ha. Well we thought it was funny! As such we did not Bungy Jump (some more regretful about this than others) but we did go White Water Rafting, Jet Boating and down a 'Luge' themed structure on purpose built 'Go-carts'.

Now that we are back home I still have 3 more weeks of annual leave to go and sometimes that is not such a good thing! Too much thinking time!! Too much Thumb Twiddling! At least my husband - who works away in Oil & Gas fields (2 weeks away : 2 weeks home)  is home again after only one week this time so thats great. Having him around certainly helps BIG TIME!! He can still make me laugh after 16 years of knowing him.

We are keeping our expectations around about ground level but every now and then we allow ourselves the luxury of a little 'what if...' scenario. Of the warm and fuzzy variety. But almost as quickly we stop and seriously our hearts turn to lead because we are are just so damaged and we can't really imagine this pregnancy going to term. Yes - we've made it further than ever before - and we have the smallest glimmer of hope - but we have been through too much and all of our 'ignorance is bliss' chromosomes have been taken away and disposed of. It's tough when you can never actully 'enjoy' a pregnancy.

Man! I need to get out into the garden now (which is struggling to survive our February - water quality here is dire) - or perhaps go for a bone jarring ride on my bike out to the farm. Anything to avoid this rising anxiety anyway!  Too early for a beer? Lunchtime - yes too early! I'll start making lunch then!! That's what I'll do!!

Thank you for listening.

Over and Out!

Jacaranda XX               

Blimey!

I am really happy to report a new PB!!!

According to the email this morning (opened squinting through one eye and holding my breath until I was purple) we have officially made it past the first 12 weeks!!!!! I am soooo relieved - I know that our mountain ahead is still extremely steep - but just for today I am going to smile -  and relax - and enjoy the 'longest pregnancy I have ever been a part of'!!! I have been smiling on the inside all day!! Pheeew it's so nice to have some good news up your sleeve for a change and not a heavy ol' heart that is dragging around behind you!!

Anway - for my show and tell today here is what our report is saying now....

• HR 168 Bpm
• Approx gestational age 12 weeks 3 days
• BPD 17 mm
• HC 65 mm
• CRL 55mm
• Nuchal Lucency 0.9 mm
• Nasal bone seen
• Ductus venosus shows normal flow

Of course I have absolutely nothing to compare these figures with so am unable to tell where we're at exactly but am comforted with the accompanying SCI email - "Please note that Dr. Shivani has reviewed the reports & found everything fine. In view of the same her next scan will be done within one month." 
                                                                    
So there you go! Blimey indeed!!

We are flying down to New Zealand tomorrow morning with a lovely group of friends and this news has just made it so much sparklier!!! Thank you so MUCH for the wonderful notes you are adding to my blogs ! I am really begining to LOVE this new Blog World and I hope we can all enjoy a lovely L-O-N-G relationship!!!

You are still the only ones that know our secret!! 

Jacaranda XX